Genesis 32:22-31
22 "That night Jacob got up and took his two wives, his two female servants and his eleven sons and crossed the ford of the Jabbok. 23 After he had sent them across the stream, he sent over all his possessions. 24 So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. 25 When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. 26 Then the man said, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.”
But Jacob replied, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”
27 The man asked him, “What is your name?”
“Jacob,” he answered.
28 Then the man said, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome.”
29 Jacob said, “Please tell me your name.”
But he replied, “Why do you ask my name?” Then he blessed him there.
30 So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, “It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared.”
31 The sun rose above him as he passed Peniel, and he was limping because of his hip."
22 "That night Jacob got up and took his two wives, his two female servants and his eleven sons and crossed the ford of the Jabbok. 23 After he had sent them across the stream, he sent over all his possessions. 24 So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. 25 When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. 26 Then the man said, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.”
But Jacob replied, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”
27 The man asked him, “What is your name?”
“Jacob,” he answered.
28 Then the man said, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome.”
29 Jacob said, “Please tell me your name.”
But he replied, “Why do you ask my name?” Then he blessed him there.
30 So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, “It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared.”
31 The sun rose above him as he passed Peniel, and he was limping because of his hip."
“A long time ago, a preacher asked a doctor
‘What is the exact significance of God’s touching Jacob on the sinew of his thigh?’
The doctor told him, 'The sinew of the thigh is the strongest in the human body.
A horse couldn’t even tear it apart.’
“The preacher said, ‘I see.
The Lord has to break us down at the strongest part of our self-life
before He can have His own way of blessing with us.’"
~Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts
Sometimes I struggle with letting go of who I think I am. If you tore back the skin and looked beyond to the me-of-me who would I be? If you strip me of all titles given by man? If I was no longer a mom, a wife, a friend...who would I be?
What God did literally to Jacob I think He did figuratively to me. When I was starting to get comfortable and was finding who I was God looked at me and said, "You see that "strong" of your self-life? I want it."
What God did literally to Jacob I think He did figuratively to me. When I was starting to get comfortable and was finding who I was God looked at me and said, "You see that "strong" of your self-life? I want it."
Where I thought I was being a good friend that friendship ended, sometimes all too bitterly leaving a lonely woman (or maybe two) behind.
Where I thought I was a good wife I found my selfishness was slowly destroying my husband and not lifting him up.
Where I thought I was a good mom I found failure's evidence.
Where I thought I was a good servant leader I found a peace void by being too much.
Where I wanted to be, I found only me, "self-filled" me.
As I looked at the pieces I cried out, "God I am broken and forever will limp with the pain. Please lead me forward from here. Teach me who I am."
God is teaching me who I am in Him, slowly, a life-time of learning.
I am learning to make all relationships spent first in lifting them up in prayer.
I am learning mothering is a battle of let me see the heart and parent in mercy.
I am learning to be a help-mate not the destroyer.
I am learning to be a leader that reflects only God.
I am learning, slowly and with faltering steps, but in the learning I am seeing I am God's precious child. He loves me in the failure and the triumph. Just as he blessed Jacob both before and after he wrestled with him, and before he changed his name.
What do you need to let go off today? Is it your identity? Your ownership of your time? Your fear?
No comments:
Post a Comment