October Journey

Some lessons in life we remember having before and wonder why we have to relearn that, some are fresh and bring us new insight, some we plead that God will never have to teach us, or that when He takes us through it we will come out victorious on the other side.

Recently God took me on a journey of faith so real and so hard that I wondered if I would come out victorious.

As we prepared our house for sale and started looking for a new job in Western Washington I was praying for God to line up all the things that needed to happen like dominoes.  I prayed that everything would work out so perfectly that we would sell our van and buy a economical car, Bo would get a job just as the house sold so that he wouldn't have to leave without us or that we were homeless while we waited to find a job.  I believed with every part of my being that God could do this if He was willing.  The test of faith came in just that.  Did God desire this for us?  Would God punish us for a bad decision even if we were pleading the whole time for Him to allow, or thwart, our plans according to His will?  It was not a matter of "Is there a God"? or "can God do"?  but "did God care enough about my personal life to work everything out"?  And more importantly how would I react if the evidence showed what I feared; even if truth was not in the evidence?

There were so many dark days as I pleaded with God for Him to show me His plan.  Show me where He wanted me to be or what He wanted me to do.  How do I plan for tomorrow when I don't know where I will be?  Do I get involved or not?  Days that I could feel God's silence as thick as smoke as it chocked out my faith and my confidence in a God that cares.

I felt like I was on a roller coaster of emotions.  I would get excited with each house viewing, as we got an offer on the house, as Bo had an interview, and than the frustrating silence after the house viewings and interviews, the sadness as the offer fell through, and the days of wondering.  Than within one week we sold our car, bought a car, we had a new offer on our house, and than Bo was supposed to call a man back after he had received Bo's resume.  I was excited as it looked like God had done exactly as I had asked.  Soon we discovered that we couldn't contact the guy for a job.  He wouldn't return calls and never answered his phone.  I was devastated.  Though I was grateful for what God had done I was nervous about the house deal.  The buyers financing had fallen through the first time would it go through this time?  We still had the assessor to come look at the house.  Would he approve it for an FHA loan?  And where would be live if the house did sell and we had no job?

The next week Bo got a call back from one of his previous interviews.  They wanted to hire him and he was set to start in 3 weeks.

I went on for the next 3 weeks with soo many questions.  Not packing because we were told to wait until the assessor approved things and the financing looked good.  The last week especially was hard.  We had fixed a few problems the assessor wanted fixed and were waiting to hear if he had approved them.  I knew if it went through I had to be out in a week, but yet not wanting to pack if it didn't go through.  Should I find a place for the family to live and risk a deposit?  Did we find a place for Bo to live and try and find a way to afford 2 housing costs?  Even the simple things-Do you do your monthly grocery shopping and move it all, or buy less and buy when you move?  Do you request things from the library for school, or would you not be here to need them?

Every morning I had to get up and physically choose to believe that God was working out the details and that He knew what was best.  That He wasn't ignoring my cries.  Scriptures kept playing in my head about how God cared for me.

1 Peter 5:7  "Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you."

Finally on Friday we got the call that everything had gone through and they wanted to know how soon we could be out of the house.  We promised to be out the night before closing (which was supposed to be the following Friday).  Than it was a whirlwind of saying goodbye, sorting and packing, taking loads to the farm for storage, cleaning, closing accounts, and arranging an apartment.  God was good and we were out by Thursday night (except a little bit of garbage we left in the neighbors yard to take care of Friday morning).

Now see how incredible this was-God had already taken care of the cars.  On Thursday we signed the house to the new owners, on Friday we said goodbye to friends, Saturday we moved to Tacoma and into our new apartment, on Sunday we started unpacking and got new phones, and on Monday Bo started his new job!  God's timing was perfect!

I thank God that he answered the prayer of my heart and brought me through.  I still wonder what if God hadn't done it all?  Would I still believe the same way?  Maybe these struggles seem trivial to you as you battle your own test of faith.  The test of trust, waiting, and not worrying has always been the hardest for me to learn and walk in.  I pray that someday I can sit back and relax when life is full of too many questions and not enough answers.  Until than I will battle each day to "let go and let God" and trust Him for each day.

Psalms 27:13-14

^"I remain confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord."