I'm not who I was....

I'm not who I was...

If I could have looked forward from my past into my present

I wouldn't recognize myself, but I hope I would see a better me

.

I hope I would see a woman that can speak up for her beliefs.

Not be ashamed of being black and white and daring to stand up for God's standards.

The woman that stands up and speaks in front of a crowd would surprise me

because she would be more comfortable in that role than I ever thought possible.

I have learned to share my failures, my short-comings, my joys,

and my embarrassing moments with others when I think it will encourage them.

Sadly I would still see a very insecure woman when it comes to relationships.

I still see the woman that loves deeply and thus weakens when people think bad of me.

I still battle the slippery slop to the hole of depression that tries to suck me in.

I have won, slipped, and won again. 

One thing that I cling to is that my faith has gotten stronger.

I went through my times of doubt and confusion, but when the walls have crashed in

(and they have many times over the last 3 years)

God has always been there to pick me up from the rubble.

He dusts me off and leads me forward.

I hope that when I look back years from now I will see

A woman full of grace

Someone whose every action is seen as, and is given in love.

A confident woman that has learned

how to have a thick skin and a soft heart at the same time.

Someone that takes people at their word and not at my emotion.

I hope to know my savior more deeply and richly!

But it all makes me stop and wonder would the people from my past recognize me today?