I appreciate

I knew last week would be hard but I made it through.
Mother's Day brought with it a bitter sweet celebration of being a mother but also my shared loss with another mother.
Monday my baby girl would have been 3 months.  Some milestones will be harder and I so fully expected her to be laughing by 3 months that I couldn't wait to get to that milestone.  I dread 6 months and her first birthday for similar reasons.
Tuesday was 4 weeks since that nightmare of a day.  Time speeds away from the good and bad in the painful march of life.
Thursday by date was 1 month.  1 month since I lost my dear, beautiful baby.  She could be honery as she wouldn't calm down for me and would instantly for daddy, but I miss even those moments.  Once reading a book I smiled as the writer said she missed the smell of her daughters sweat.  But how I miss the smell of my babies sour spit-up and the smell of soy on her delicate face.

But the more I move away from April 17 the more I realize how grateful for the little things.
I have felt the prayers of God's faithful, and am so grateful for prayer warriors!
I appreciate the life of the unborn child so much more than ever (not that I didn't before).  Her mom could have chosen death over life, but because of her choice I had an amazing chance to meet and love my little girl.
I appreciate the work of social workers on a deeper level.  They see humanity at its worst, work with a system that is broken in some ways and strong in others.  They hurt and can't talk.  They work through the worse nightmares and some have become our friends.
I appreciate friends who brought us meals, came and helped with the kids, got in their cars and drove across the state to comfort and lift us up, called from another country to say "we're praying", provided a listening ear, ask how we really are, or just let me grieve when and how I need.
I appreciate my time with my husband and my children in a more real way.
I appreciate God on a totally different level.  The hard of the past year has brought with it an incredible presence of God in my life.  I am learning to lean more fully on His peace, His comfort, His hopes, His plan, and His strength.
I appreciate that I got 2 months to love, a lifetime to remember, and in incredible hope that she is in Heaven waiting for me.