Joy and Tears

Yesterday, at my dear friend's daughter's wedding,

I saw her joy as she celebrated her daughter

but also her intense pain as she struggles with the loss of her own marriage.

I could see the joy amidst the pain.

During the reception, as my daughter played on my knee with fits of laughter,

I caught myself smiling and feeling real joy deep down, true life-giving joy.

I knew two months ago that with time I would be OK

and that we would heal from the moments of intense hurt and pain. 

As, even than, I could see it evidenced before me in my children. 

We will never be the same,

and we will always carry the wound, all too easily reopened. 

I cherished that realization of how much we have healed,

and I clung to it as the waves of grief and guilt once again washed over me

and drowned me in a sea of tears

and I cried in the dark of night.

Today will be hard,

but tomorrow will be harder

because they hold so much significance,

but I know we will be OK. 

Joy has come in the morning. 

Not joy as the world knows,

but true God given peace and joy!